I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
