You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
