Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
