I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
