I just saw a hot homeless man
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
