Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
