found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.