so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain