This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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