It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.