there's paper in my vomit.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
