Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
