Swine flu is the new snow day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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