My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My balls are so social today.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
