i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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