Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
