so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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