I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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