i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
