You're so nebulous sometimes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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