Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
