Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
