I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
