My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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