I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
