So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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