She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
