no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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