While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
