So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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