I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
