I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
