I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
