I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
