I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize