took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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