What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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