she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
