I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
