if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
