I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
