Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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