I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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