Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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