Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
