I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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