she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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