im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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