If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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