if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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