Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got inside last night via doggy door
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
