I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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