omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
