her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
