If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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