We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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