My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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