Duck Duck Cougar?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
