I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
