Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
