If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
