remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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