guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
