he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
