If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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