i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
