She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
