I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The air was thick with penises
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
