Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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