John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
